Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
