I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
