am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
