He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
