I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
