I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
