a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
