areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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