yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He shit in the fireplace
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
