My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
