...so i touched it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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