I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
