She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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