Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
