Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
