I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
