I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she smelled like a LAN party
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
