Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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