I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
