Quick, to the slutcave!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
