would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
