I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
