I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
