ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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