Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
