i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
