when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
