Well apparently he's into motor boating.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
