We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what day is it and did you see me today?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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