I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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