Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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