i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
