i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
