I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
