Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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