remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
