brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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