ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
