i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
