2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
