You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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