I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
