I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Panties = found
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
