THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
