As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
