Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
