She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
