Got a toothbrush?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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