I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
