is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
