It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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