You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
