i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
