I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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