I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
