i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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