I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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